Happy Birthday to me... I hope!

This Sunday I will turn 35. I've been dreading this almost all year. For some reason, 35 just seems like a milestone. I wanted to be married with children by the time I turned 35...

That was probably how I felt the first few months of this year. I absolutely dreaded this day. But somehow I've turned it around and actually started getting excited for this birthday. I've got great friends, who got me a beautiful wind chime and birthday cake for me at work. My fiance will also be with me this weekend. And we will have dinner with my family on Sunday. I still have plenty of time to have kids... Right?

Still, this weekend holds a certain bittersweetness for me. I'm pretty much over worrying about getting old. I'm excited for a fun weekend. But this also marks the end of Pete's time in Pittsburgh. While his job has always been based in California, his project has sent him to Pittsburgh to work with one of their vendors, for pretty much all of the past year. And now that's ending and he's starting a new job, that will keep him in California. And while there is the excitement of change and new things to come, he will not be just 80 miles away. It's the strangest thing because we don't see each other everyday. Sometimes we don't even see each other every weekend. And while it may only be a week or two until I see him again after this weekend, I definitely feel the distance when he's not near.

So Monday morning when I leave for work, he will head back to Pittsburgh to take care of getting his new/used Audi shipped to CA and he will get on a plane that will take him almost 3000 miles away. We will probably talk 2 or 3 times that day. But I will still miss him so much.

It's the uncertainty that gets to me. I mean I know that this is just 'see ya later'. There's nothing permanent about our mini-separation here. But it's always easier for me to see him leave when I know when we'll be together again. This time I don't know that for sure. Seems like even if it's 2 months down the road, if I know what day I will see him again I can 'rev up' for the separation. And honestly, I know this time won't be too bad. With everything we've both got to do to prepare for my move, the time will fly by. But for right now, I'm a little bit sad.

So, now, I'm going to work hard the rest of the day and put on my happy face. I will have a good day and I'll go home and busy myself with cleaning house some, as I always do before Pete comes down from Pittsburgh. I'm going to go get my hair cut and highlighted tomorrow, which always brightens me up. And we are going to have a wonderful weekend together. Best of all, we'll figure out a moving date for me and that will help.

I doubt I'll get to update my blog over the weekend or maybe even on Monday. But I've definitely had fun with background designs and looking for pictures to post as well. I'll take some fun pictures over the weekend so I can share them next week. Allison, I promise I will post a picture of my engagement ring :).

Take care my friends and say a little prayer for me that I can keep my happy face on and cheery instead of melting into tears at any point this weekend.

Dazed and Confused

It's been a little over a month since we got engaged and 'Distracted' doesn't even begin to describe what I'm dealing with here.

Moving, changing jobs, and getting married are usually seen as the big life changes that can cause an unusual amount of stress for a person. And I'm contemplating all three at once, so I've been a little tense lately.

First, moving... I've been living in the same apartment for almost 3 years now and I've been mostly satisfied. It's conveniently located, has a pool and is within my budget, which is important. And I've known for a while now that my lease is about to expire at the end of May. So, what to do? Do I move into another apartment or stay where I am? The main problem here is that just about every place I've checked into requires a 12-month lease, including where I live now. If I'm thinking about moving to California within the next 12 months, which will happen one way or the other, I probably don't want to sign a 12-month lease, right? Long story short, I decided to alleviate some of the stress for myself and stay. I did have to sign another lease, but I have to option of subletting. Of course, I'm still looking at packing up most of my things in preparation for the future move to California. May as well stay ahead of the game, right?

Changing jobs, on the other hand causes more stress and worry for me than any of the other things on my plate right now. I love my job and my company has been very good to me. Finding a new job holds so much insecurity and uncertainty for me, I almost start hyperventilating just thinking about it! So, I'm going to do channel my inner Scarlett O'Hara and 'Think about that tomorrow.'

Getting married is yet another huge change for me. I'm not at all stressed or worried about the actual act of being married. Pete and I are soul mates and we'll be together until death parts us, or until one of us kills the other. Just kidding, Mom :). So, no worries about that. But Marriage and a Wedding usually come together, but are two totally separate things! So the questions now racing through my mind include, but aren't limited to: Do we have a nice family wedding? Destination wedding? Go to Vegas? When? Who will officiate? What colors do I want? How much will the reception cost? Band or DJ? Holy Crap, how'd I gain 20 pounds? How do I lose 20 pounds? You know, the normal stuff.

Calgon, Take Me Away!!!!

Nope, I'm not crazy yet. Of course, some of you may debate that :). But I am making lots of lists. Lists for everything, to try to keep organized. Lists for the actions I can take, rather than hovering over the things I can't do anything about just yet. That seems to help. Being Pro-Active. And I don't mean the skincare regimen, ladies!

I've started getting packing supplies so that I can pack what I don't use very often. I've casually started looking into wedding options. Dresses, color schemes, locations, etc. Just to be prepared. Remember, my fiance likes to do things last minute, so I may finally be able to pin him down on a date of 1/1/11, on 12/1/10. I actually talked with him about all of these worries and my first question was 'Ok are you ready to talk about setting a date?' Pete's response, 'Um no, but I would like to enjoy being happily engaged for a little while.'

The first item on my agenda of things I can control:

Stop being a lazy bi-otch!

I have GOT to get off my ever-widening arse and do something to get some poundage off. I know how to do it, it's just a matter of doing it. And, of course, I'm typing this after eating pasta with italian sausage and a donut for breakfast. But I digress. It starts today! I will be exercising 30 minutes every morning and 30-60 minutes every evening. I will cut back on my carbs, cut out fried food altogether, and I will drink more wine :). You know, wine is good for the heart!

While I'm feeling a little Dazed and Confused now, I'm excited about what the next 6 months may hold for me. Stay tuned for more!

He asked; I said Yes!

I've been in love with the same man for about 6 1/2 years now. It's been a bumpy ride, but well worth it. He's one of those guys ya just can't help but like. Complete opposite of any man I'd been with before we met. Yes, I usually head straight for the assholes. The good looking ones who treat me like crap. So imagine my reaction when I met a nice guy, who's also good looking AND treats me well! Who actually cares about what I want and means it when he asks 'What do you want to do?' I think the first two years of our relationship were totally indecisive. We had more arguments over where to eat or what to do on a Sunday afternoon because neither of us had ever been with anyone who gave a crap what we wanted!

Anyway, that's a short history. And for any of you who know my fiance, you know he takes his sweet-ass time making decisions. Yes, we'd talked about being together and getting married, having children, etc. And even without any prompting from me, he was fairly vocal that he knew he wanted to be with me. No fear. No hesitation. So what the HECK is taking so long?! I've been asking myself this question over and over for at least a year.

I finally gave up and started joking about it. I'd tell him I figured he was the guy who would propose 5 minutes before I was ready to walk down the aisle. And we'd laugh. And then I'd get pissed off and hold it all inside, because I didn't want to have more arguments over this.

My company sent me to Naples, FL for a training last March. I thought it seemed like a perfect time for a little vacation for us. I hadn't had a solid week off in over a year! And, Pete's brother lives near Naples, so it was perfect! So, we planned to take the whole week off and fly down to Florida the Saturday before my training. The training was only on Wednesday and Thursday.

It was a beautiful trip! The weather was good for the most part. We didn't bicker at all, which is somewhat unusual. It was blissful and exactly what I needed. I kinda thought he might 'pop the question' while we were in Florida, but like usual, I talked myself out of that thought. Nah, Pete will wait until his job changes or maybe 2 days before my apartment lease is expiring. Something like that.

That Wednesday, I went to my training and we went to dinner a little late that evening. When we came back to our room, there were chocolate covered strawberries and chilled champagne. Then I thought 'Ohhh, he's gonna do it!!'. We took it out on the patio facing the ocean and sat for a while. He guzzled the champagne while I munched on the strawberries.

At about 11pm, I started yawning. I was getting cold and was more than a little tired so I said I wanted to go inside. 'No!' Pete said. I thought his reaction was a little crazed, so I asked if he was ok and he said yes. So, we sat for a little while longer and again I said 'Babe, I'm gonna have to go to bed before long.' He looked positively sick. I asked again if something was wrong and he kinda mumbled 'Nothing, I'm nervous.' I asked what he was nervous about and he said 'Nothing, I'm just nervous.' So when I got up to go inside, he grabbled my hand and had a little box. Then he said 'Carrie Beckner, will you marry me?' I kinda shocked myself, I didn't cry or anything! I started giggling though. He was sweating, he was so nervous! I said 'Yes, of course!' and he put the ring on my finger. Then I started with the 'Are you sure's. Stupid me, he gets up the nerve to propose and I want to know if he's sure?! He said 'Yes, I'm sure! Stop asking me that. I'm gonna go throw up now.'

The next day was much better. I hadn't dreamed it. And we had a nice time the rest of the week. The perfect vacation! No worrying, which is very odd for me. I didn't even start worrying about when we'd actually get married. Just plain ol' happy :).

Now all we had to figure out was how to actually 'be' together, in order to get married, with his job in California and mine in Fairmont, WV.

Intro stage left: Insanity

Introduction to Crazy

First, I must warn you, I'm very new to blogging. Translation: This is my very first blog :). I've always loved writing and I feel as though some of my experiences could be too entertaining not to share with everyone.

I think you should know that I'm the girl who sits quietly working and then can't stop talking once she starts. I'm both the introvert and the extrovert, which doesn't make any sense at all, but seems to work for me. I have meaningful conversations and am a pretty good listener, but I also tend to go off on tangents pretty easily, hence 'Easily Distracted'.

In recent months, I've had so many cool, scary, funny experiences that I'd like to document my journey and share it with my friends and loved ones.

Sooooo, here we go!