Today started so well! The sun was shining, I wore a pretty outfit and felt good about life in general. And while the sun is still shining this evening, and my life is still wonderful for the most part, my day did not stay bright and cheery. Once again, I am very disappointed in someone I considered a good friend. I'm also sick and tired of the whispering and petty bullshit that happens at work on a daily basis. Call me a hardass but sometimes I just want to yell 'Don't you guys have anything to do?!' at those who are whispering and take long, extended breaks for chit chat and gossip. I mean I'm all for talking, but it gets ridiculous sometimes. This crap happens everyday and I just get tired of it. So, while this probably isn't a huge deal, I'm taking it very personally. I was irritated all afternoon and with my mind working triple overtime, I threw myself into a 'I have no friends' silent, pitty party. Silly me!
And, while I was already in a not-so-pretty mood, Pete called to check in. His first words were 'I found us an apartment!' Immediately I was relieved. It wasn't one of the first apartments on my list, because of the price of rent, but it is probably the nicest complex we looked at online. I ranked others higher because of features vs. rent. So, he went into the space and features and then the rent. $2350 per month! WHAAAAT?!!! Unfortunately, he wasn't kidding. I asked 'Can we afford this' and he said we'd be fine and then went into listing the other expenses. $50 each for my 2 cats every month, with a $500 deposit. Water, electric, internet and cable are extra, which I expected. I can deal with utilities. And I'll pay the cat rent. The deposit is refundable, so we're ok with that. Then, there's garage rent AND we have to pay $25 a month PER CAR for parking for an assigned spot!! ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?!! But, I stayed calm. I said we'd be fine. I can bargain shop for our groceries and if it comes down to it, we don't really have to park right in front of our building, which is why people apparently pay $25/month for an assigned spot. Of course, he got us a place on the third floor, but there is an elevator which will be handy when we're carrying boxes up and down in moving. We only have a 4 month lease so we'll start looking for a house to buy immediately. Again, I'm calm. We hung up. And as I began to let all of this information sink in, I started hyperventilating. My boss seemingly appeared in my doorway and asked 'Hey are you ok?' I said 'Yeah, why?' He said 'Cause you kinda look like you're going to fall out of your chair any second.' The next thing I know, Pete texted me "Please tell me everything is going to be ok. I love you." And in the middle of my freak out, I texted back 'Everything is going to be great!' All the while in my mind, I'm trying to calculate the cost of gas to get us with my car, cats and 'stuff', out to California and wondering if we'll be able to eat that week.
So, now, after work, I brought home some plants to re-pot and I'm trying to harness my inner calm. With the help of some wine, of course. Gardening always calms me too. I had to plant two of the plants I separated in bowls and measuring cups because I was in such a hurry to get calmed down that I didn't stop at Walmart to buy more pots. I'm ok with that. I'll get more pots when I'm not in such a funk.
Enter: My happy place. Sometimes when I feel like I can't take anymore, I close my eyes and try to think about someplace warm and happy. Well, here it is, friends!
I'm actually feeling some better now. After a nice, full glass of wine I'm feeling better. But hey, at least I didn't eat all the carbs in my refrigerator :). Instead of going shopping after work, I came home and re-potted plants. Talk about restraint, huh? I'm also working on inventorying the things I want to take with me to California to see if I will have room in my car for everything.
Things are still a bit overwhelming at the moment. But I'm hoping now that we have an apartment and know most of the costs, that things will start to fall into place. I still can't believe we'll be living in a place that costs 4 TIMES AS MUCH as my apartment here in Fairmont. But, 'it is what it is' as they say. For the record, I despise that saying. I feel like that's what people say when they've done something crappy that they don't want to own up to. But, in this case, I think it works.
Tomorrow is another day... This too shall pass... Ok someone stop me before I spew more cliches!
As Always,
Easily Distracted
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